Communication Skills Class: Your First Comment

Want a Communication Skills Class?  Consider this your very basic introduction.

Here’s Lesson One: What someone is REALLY thinking about, I’m finding, is often revealed in what they say first, whether it’s a question or an answer.

Not always, mind you, but often enough that I accept this as a rule of thumb in communication skills.

What?  Yes, you’re right, of course.  Sometimes in using our communication skills we like to begin a conversation with a joke or a little story, which might or might not telegraph our intentions.

The TV detective “Columbo” (remember him?) was a master of using a diverting story to confuse his suspects and disarm their anxiety.  And then he’d finally deliver his punch, and set the trap with “Oh, just one more thing.”

So be cautious about assuming you can read someone’s mind from their first sentence.

Nevertheless,  when someone asks me about music for, say, a last minute party, I find it useful to assume, just tentatively at least, that he might mean exactly what he says, and the first thing he says might be his most important concern at the time.

I think I’m more often right than wrong.

For example, when you hear someone begin a sentence with “It’s not really about the money, but…”, you just KNOW it’s really about the money.

Here’s a similar one.  Suppose I call an arborist and say “This tree in my yard is too big.  How much will you charge to prune it?” Won’t he assume I’m more concerned with his fee than with, say, his professional qualifications, how soon he can begin, how long the job will take, what the work will include, the quality of his work, or any guarantee he might offer?

Of course I’d be very concerned about all those details, and more.  But he wouldn’t suspect that from my first question, would he?

Or a corporate event planner who calls and says “Robbie, I’m considering the Magnolia Jazz Band for our Mardi Gras party.  What’s your fee?”  Well, maybe that’s the only detail she knows to ask about.  In that case I need to help her consider a few other significant details for how we’d fit into her plans.  Or maybe it’s totally about the money, and nothing else matters to her.

Doesn’t this situation happen to all of us?  Here’s my point.  Like it or not, we’re always jumping to a conclusion from what people say, especially from their first comment.  Similarly, people are always reading between the lines of whatever we say, too.

I recently wrote about communication listening skills, and today’s post is another look at fundamental things.  So here’s the bottom line:

Are you careful to communicate fully and clearly?  In particular, does your first sentence or two dominate and prepare for the rest of your conversation?

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Meanwhile, the Magnolia Jazz Band entertains at weddings and parties throughout the San Francisco Bay Area. If you are ever nearby, you’ll love catching us in action, seeing and hearing us create a great mood.

How can I help you? Call 408-245-9120 or use [email protected]. Planning a celebration? Ask about our availability.

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